Via The Cut

Most of us has seen the hilarious movie How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days starring Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. While Kate Hudson did find love in the end (sorry for the spoiler for those who haven’t seen it), her tactic to lose McConaughey was legitimately annoying and would probably lose anyone let alone a guy. Let’s go back to her 10 ways of losing a guy:

1. Calling Too Much

2. Ruin Sports

3. Girl Things In His Home

4. Insisting On A Chick-Flick Marathon

5. Food Issues (basically being picky beyond belief)

6. Nagging About Cigars

7. Being Terrible at Sex

8. Stevie Nicks

9.ย  Make Composites of What Our Kids Would Look Like, Get Him a Dog, Take Him to a Fake Therapist, Get Him Punched in the Actual Face (This one’s a big day)

10. Physically Separate by Several Thousand Miles

While those may be fairly repulsive things to subject someone you just met to, journalist wasn’t shy on trying this out with a guy who was in town for a business trip. What she found was surprising and enlightening to us all that maybe losing a guy in 10 days isn’t as easy as we think….

DAY ONE: Calling Too Much
According to the film, one of the things men hate most is being called a ton. Unfortunately, I live in a canyon and there is very bad cell-phone reception. So I just text him a lot. It turns out he’s totally fine with this, and he’s also a recreational stimulant user. He texts back whenever I text him, pretty much right away. Oh man. Clearly this is not the first time a woman has tried to lose this guy in ten days.

DAY TWO: Ruin Sports
On their second date, Andie takes Ben to see the Knicks, but then she won’t let him watch the game, whines for diet soda, and calls him by an obnoxious nickname. Wow, women are the worst.

Miller Lyte REALLY likes football, so when we watch some together I figure I have this one in the bag. I frequently ask, “Why are you yelling?” and make helpful suggestions like, “Well, if it upsets you this much to lose money, then maybe you shouldn’t be illegally gambling.” Finally, I wrap my arms around him and ask, “Am I talking too much, Old Meat?” because I think it would bother most men to be called that. He predictably does not like to be called Old Meat but later actually warms to it.

DAY THREE: Girl Things
The first time Andie goes to Ben’s house (again, to watch the sports game and eat meat because, MEN, RARRRGHHH) she brings stuffed animals, tampons, and a fern. You’ll be shocked to know that I own exactly zero stuffed animals, and this dude is not getting the fern I work so hard to almost not kill, so tampons it is. Upsettingly, the owner of his Airbnb has left a full complement of toiletries for guests. That’s right: There are ALREADY TAMPONS AT HIS PLACE. What are the odds?! Fuck the share economy.

DAY FOUR: Chick-Flick Marathon
Ben tells Andie she can pick the movie. Smash cut to: a theater where the marquee says “CHICK FLICK MARATHON.” Yep, that happens. In a commercially successful film.

So I go to his house and I tell him I also want to watch Brokeback Mountain and You’ve Got Mail, back to back, which I figure constitutes a chick-flick marathon and ups the ante because straight men don’t want to watch movies about gay guys doing sex, ever. During both films, he mouths along with a lot of the dialogue.

DAY FIVE: Food Issues
Even though she houses a lobster at their first meeting and loooooooves bacon (buckle up if you love that joke, people of 2004!), Andie pretends to be a vegetarian to annoy Ben. There is nothing more manly than hating vegetarians, because it represents sublimated jealousy for the female ability to demonstrate compassion without social reproof.

Sadly, I can’t do this because I have already eaten a ton of meat (heh) in front of Miller Lyte, so as a compromise I don’t finish half of an elaborate Italian sandwich he makes me. This is basically the craziest thing I’ve ever done in the name of journalism. For the first time, I see some hurt in his eyes.

 

To read the final 5 days, go the The Cut below.

READ MORE: How I tried to lose a guy in 10 days. Here’s what happened.